The holidays are fast approaching. In addition to this being considered the ‘most wonderful time of the year’, it can also be a struggle for us single or unmarried people of the world.
I’m a woman over the age of 35, who has never been married. Yes, as wonderful as I am, marriage is still on the horizon. Today, I am fine with waiting for that special someone ‘to have and to hold until death do us part’, however, there are days when waiting is easier said than done, especially during the holiday season.
The holiday season can stir-up feelings of social inadequacy for an unmarried or single person. It’s like the fact that you are unmarried or single goes ‘viral’ and is tweeted all over the world as a national incident.
I decided to help out my fellow Single-ites with a few holiday tips that may ease any heart-pang or social frustration you might experience this holiday season.
Pedestal Note: Hold on for a quick moment, as I get on my ‘pedestal’…. 🙂 I want to be clear that these tips are not based on the ‘because you are single….here are your advantages’ train of thought. I believe that statement alludes to singleness as an inadequacy of your life. I personally don’t think that is a realistic or a healthy way of thinking. These are simple self-care, self-management tips that aren’t always obvious when we are walking through sensitive moments, unseen pressures and thought processes that can impact the choices we make no matter your relational status. Okay, I will step off the pedestal, now. Lol!
Here are the tips:
- STOP Binge-Watching the Hallmark Channel
Yes, Hallmark has some great holiday movies, however, remember ALL of their movies are focused on romance. They have the cutest couples that have these accidental encounters and then they fall for each other; then 15 minutes before the end of the movie, they have a falling-out and threaten never to see each other again. However, 14 minutes later all is right with the world and they are getting married and everyone is living ‘happily ever after’. Also, all this happens in the most picturesque imaginary town, and the characters are wearing very cool and stylish clothes and not a hair is out of place, ever. The reality indicator in this scenario is a bit skewed and it all happens in 2 hours.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I really like watching the Hallmark channel. Not just because of the movies but it is also, unfortunately, one of few ‘safe’ channels to watch these days where your eyes and ears are being assaulted with profanity or innuendos. However, one Saturday I caught myself watching at least 4-6 hours of Hallmark movies. Can you believe that? I still shake my head when I think about it. Well, after that immersion, I realized I started having more thoughts around being single. Not good ones, either. You know, thoughts that ranged from asking God when my “accidental” encounter with my future husband was going to happen and why am I still single. Reminding Him that I’m getting older and I have to get my hair dyed more often. I even had unpleasant flashbacks of previous relationships wondering if I let that one ‘get away’. I think you know what I mean.
Those types of thoughts can be frustrating, to say the least, because we are focusing on something that is not our current reality. Goodness, if we let that stream of thought continue, it could easily cause us to spiral into an ice cream coma or shop for things we don’t need or binge-watch something else just to get our minds out of that unhealthy zone.
So, just hit the ‘off’ button on the remote, take a deep breath, talk to God about your heart’s desire (yes, again), reaffirm to yourself of who God is and that He loves you and has your best life waiting for you.
Here is a scripture that makes you wonder: Ecclesiastes 1:8 – All things are full of labor; Man cannot express it. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor the ear filled with hearing.
- Hang around your HAPPY friends during the holidays
This may seem counter-intuitive because they may be the ones asking you the ‘why are you still single’ question. True. However, because they are your friends they are more interested in being with you and enjoying your company instead of grilling you about your relationship status. I say, HAPPY friends because you may be vulnerable and can easily join someone else’s pity party.
Here is a scripture that makes me giggle every time I read it: Matthew 15:14, “Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch.” This is why you hang out with HAPPY friends. 🙂
- Do something that will make YOU laugh
This again could be hanging out with HAPPY friends with the intent of having fun. Go to an amusement park, or a clean comedy show or find a good clean movie or play.
Sometimes just people-watching can be hilarious, especially in a mall during this holiday season. Take a friend.
Here is a scripture that makes me smile: Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Take your medicine!
- Do something that will make YOU feel special
I know doing things by yourself can sometimes be discouraging or even intimidating.
So, for this tip, it’s okay to ask a friend to join you. However, if they can’t make it then take YOURSELF to one of the best restaurants in town. You could also treat yourself to a day of pampering and special shopping. Really do it up, hair, nails, facial, massage, etc. How about going to the most expensive section in a high-end department store or boutique? You know the one you’ve walked past or only heard about. Remember, it’s not about the buying, it’s about treating yourself to a special experience. So, as you look through that high-end store, browse for the least expensive thing and buy it. It could be the lip balm they are offering at the register. At least you can say, you went to the store and actually purchased something! Guaranteed you’ll have a great memory and get a giggle out of the experience.
Here is a scripture that proves you are special: Psalm 139: 14, “I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking. It simply amazes me to think about it! How thoroughly you know me, Lord!”
- Don’t overindulge in your holiday celebrating
Sometimes this happens when we are trying to ease a pain in our life. We can fall into this mindset of I’m just going to ‘enjoy myself’ and we cast off all personal discipline.
I heard this statement the other day as someone was describing an outing with friends. They said, “We were ‘one man down’.” What they meant was one of their friends had celebrated a bit too much the evening before and was unable to participate in half of the next day activities.
Don’t be that ‘one man down’. Be present and aware (the Bible actually uses the word, sober) during your holiday celebrations. Enjoy the people and every moment of this wonderful holiday season!
Here is a scripture that hit home for this tip (ouch!): 1 Peter 2:16, As God’s loving servants, you should live in complete freedom, but never use your freedom as a cover-up for evil.
- Volunteer
Now, you may be saying this is not ME-centric. I know and that is why it is something you should do.
You can volunteer at your church, a convalescent home, senior center, a children’s home, a local non-profit organization, or even a for-profit company. Also, if you know your neighbor, you could volunteer to help them with some projects. The goal of your volunteering is to remind YOU of the value YOU alone bring to others in any situation. You don’t add value because you are coupled up with someone but because YOU are enough just as YOU are.
Golden Rule: Matthew 7:12, “In everything you do, be careful to treat others in the same way you’d want them to treat you, for that is the essence of all the teachings of the Law and the Prophets.”
This is a most wonderful time of the year! Surround yourself with friends, family and perhaps a new acquaintance or two. Celebrate that God is still on the throne and Jesus is Lord of your life.
Remember what God says about YOU through Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Merry Christmas and God Bless You!